once in a while, i was reminded of you by life’s little things.

and i remember how hard i had fought the battle,
and how far i have came along.

i am always thankful for everything.

my past, my present and my future.

i’ve grew up alot and learnt alot.

From stumbles we learn.
From pain, we learn.
we always do and we always learn it better this way.

somehow i feel like conveying this to you,
that i hope you can be happy like me.

You can find your own treasure and hold on to it tightly.

Living life of regrets s u c k  s.

We all forged forward, for our own reasons.
don’t we?

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

roomie , internal struggle leh

kÊllêÿ says:

HUH
dun be crazy

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

sometimes i think i am avoiding smth and running away from it,i think i m mad

kÊllêÿ says:

u definitely made the RIGHT CHOICE

yes u are mad

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

okay

tats the best thing u said

hahaha

wth is wrong with me ah

siao one

scold me leh

kÊllêÿ says:

aiya

u are jus not satisfied

or maybe

bu gan yuan

cuz he seems like MR PERFECT

not bad looking, charismatic, good career path ahead of him, well-off

ya da ya da

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

ya i think i bu gan yuan

kÊllêÿ says:

BUT

u ask yourself this one qn, will u ever be happy with him? can u EVER accept everything about him? can u EVER live with the fact tt he is just like that?

can u love him for who he is and NOT try to change him at all

if ur ans to above qn are NO

then u should not think

jus move on

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

ya i really cannot accept

kÊllêÿ says:

haha

then cna alr

u ahf ur answer

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

haha

kÊllêÿ says:

sometimes in life

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

stupid me

always like tat

kÊllêÿ says:

we should nto be so persistent!

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

i cant stand myself

i love to gneh gneh

kÊllêÿ says:

u copy what i type

and put in your secret diary

so next time u can jus go see yourself

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

hahhhahahhaa

okay i shall do tat

kÊllêÿ says:

wahahahhahhaa

i can think og more eg for you to put in

.:L|.x!aN:. Life is what you make it ( : says:

ok cme

come once and for all

i will all paste it there!

kÊllêÿ says:

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

- Helen Keller

this is good

remind yourself

—————————————-

i was asked to pen this down

to let this be embedded in me, within.

so that i wont falter.

i was going to meet TP for lunch and shopping.
and i had a long conversation with andrew from JE to bugis.

so, the usual conversations sprungs.
from career, to studies and of cos, gossips.

and then somehow we talked abt zh.
and he said : i heard he is getting together with someone!

haha and i said i kinda know.
n tada, it turns out that it is somewhat true, and i know the girl.

she is in the same hall as him,

in fact she is  in my s a j c  junior orientation grp,
so technically, she is my direct junior.
and technically, she is also my friend.

HMM dun know much about her,
but seems the kind that he will fancy.

she is rather sweet looking, and looked independent.
but i duno if she really is.

but somehow,

i am glad that i was told who the person was.
maybe somehow, things just happen.
i am not sure if it’s god’s hands,
or if its jus pure coincidental that i am told this.

and with much relief,
i feel better now.
Much much better than b4.
and i no longer ponder about nonsensical stuff.
and now that i know who the girl is,
it is helping even more.

initially i was trying to picture the 2 of them together,
it worked perfectly.

HAHA i haf good imagination skills, did i mention ?

oh wells,
our lives goes on, as it has always been.

i hold in my hands a treasure.

and i lead mine.

just like how it has always been.

it is unhealthy, illogical, unrealistic and a complete waste of time.

nobody indulges with questions without any answers.
nobody gets upset with something that is not known.
nobody chants to herself the same old thing and yet feel confused in thoughts.

nobody, but me!

darn it.

i had enough man.
shouldnt have known all these things.
they arent meant to be told to me.
they arent mearnt to be known by me.

whatever it is,
i will only look forward from now.
and afterall,
i know he canot give me what i want,
Despite my once deep infactuation.
i know he cannot give me happiness=
so tell me what’s the point of it all?

and acceptance with grace.

acceptance to everything that i came to know.
acceptance to everything that came and go.
acceptance to everything that i have.
and acceptance to the goodness in now.

everybody moves on, so do you and me.
everybody has someone special in their hearts,
so do you and me.

the past is here to keep
and futre is here to hold.

u cant help but surrender to the test of time.

i came to know about this:
that he had wanted to get back to me, but i have moved on then.

i was in disbelief initially, then shock, then kinda confused, then sad.

hmm.
not that it would change anything thing right now.

cos i know how misfit we two are.
maybe fate was playing tricks on us.

When i thought it was possible, he didnt think so.
when he thought it was possible, i didnt know, and i didnt think so.

we chatted on msn just hours ago.

and i felt a heavy heart thereafter.
he said he regretted letting me go, yet, he knew he wasnt ready to be able to commit or maybe to give me what i want. and so he didnt tell anyone, or ME for that matter.

and so, i thought : he is over me, he is happy with his single life. he is happy with being busy with his own things. and it was right that i left him.

and so over the months, i convinced myself jus how mis matched we were, and just how dumb it would be to dwell upon us, when he is so nonchalent about it.

now i know, it was all a lie.
or rather, he was hiding these frm me all the while.

i am happy that he felt that way. (somehow)

but was also puzzled why he didnt tell me or show me anything along that line. instead, i felt the contrary all the time and even convince myself to move on and give him up.

he said he didnt want me to go aussie with these thoughts. and he didnt want to give me false hopes, in the event if he fail to be ready to commit.

fair enough reason.

all in all,
i know he is still special to me.

all in all,
i will still wonder how would things have been if ss wasnt in the picture.

Will i still be dwelling upon this broken r/s?

but then i told zh:

That i moved on only because i thought he did already, and i would b a fool to hang on to it. and also i felt there are certain things about him that i cannot accomodate about.

true enough.

i cannot accomodate about how he loves himself more than me.
i cannot accomodate about how he is not communicating to me and how i am not getting through to him and how i cannot know how he is thinking or is feeling.

i cannot accomodate understanding things that he did, in his point of view, cos sometimes i really dun agree with the things he do, or i cannot find a good enough and reasonable reason for the things he do.

i cannot accomodate the fact that he is not treating me good enough.

i cannot accomdate the fact that i wasnt myself when i was with him.

and i guess,

all these ranting will remind me once again,
some things are just meant to be this way.
and this is what it is, and what it could have been.

he mentioned he regretted not opening up more to me.
and he regretted letting me go.

life is full of regrets.
cos life’s a bitch.

and ppl move on and live on with it.

oh wells,
after the sadness , i woke up to my senses.
that right now i am in the arms of someone who deserve me better than he does.

and i know nothing can be more right that this.

though he said his perspectives for r/s has changed.
i feel, character traits are there and will always be there.
he may change a little, but prob still not suitable for me.

that is something unknown, and something that i wouldnt know at all.
so there is no point harping on those stuff.

i type these things here to remind myself of the correct train of thoughts.

i have loved him deeply,

not not now anymore.

cos i found someone

whom deserve more love from me than he does.

and everyday is a happy day with him-
just tell me what more can i ask for.

like wad kel say,
ss is like a peasant to the rescue, when my prince charming rode off in his horse. he came over to pick me up and live the days with me with much happiness and simplicity.

i am happy with my peasant life.
i guess. : )

n i hope zh can be happy too, now that he will be a better bf.

i wish him well, as always: )